I know typically this wasn't about me, but today just sucks. I finally open up to my family and close circle about the goals and ambitions I have and they don't believe in me. It was full of "what ifs" and "well that's not how things happen" instead of the support and belief I needed. It just sucks because nobody around me believes the dream I believe. It just makes me wanna give up. And it's like if nobody things the way I do then who am I to even still believe in this. Why even do this anymore. Why even think things are gonna change. Why not accept that this is life and this will be life. Seems like believing in anything other then the present is foolish. 

One of those days

It's just one of those days today...

Cosmic

It'll never be lost. It's all cosmic and shit. It's like our atoms were next to each other's in the Big Bang. Like it was more right then right so it'll never be gone. We can fight it ignore it bury it but it'll never be lost.

ANYTIME

Lately I've been alittle busier then usual at work, which cause us not to talk as much or I get the sense that you feel like I don't have time for you or anything like that. Well this post is gonna be the one that you come back to anytime you feel like that. I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you. Your my soulmate. I love hearing about your day and what's going on in your life. I love the 10 minute calls we have to sneak in. I love seeing your smile. I wake Up every day hoping its you I turn over and see. I'll never be too busy for you or not have time for you. Your gonna be my wife someday I don't care what anyone has to say about it they gotta go through me. While right now I'm not with you but just know im always thinking of you. I love you honeybee.

Shame

If ever there was a song about how I feel about things that have happened between us it would probably be this one. I love you.

https://youtu.be/O9capxlmuh4

I need your forgiveness

And your mercy too

I must be all kinda crazy

For what I've done to you

I hope you understand

That my heart is true

Mistakes, I've made em

But I'm making a change for you

Have I learned, is your question

And my answer "I have"

But if you're expecting perfection

Then we're not gonna last

This is not an excuse

I'm just telling the truth

Baby, I'm so sorry

For hurting you

Oh, I'm ashamed of me (Shame on me)

Wish I never done you wrong (Shame on me)

Every night of us I dream

That I wake up in your arms

I know why you left me

But since you've been gone

My understanding

Has more than grown

I've come to this conclusion

Over and over again

I don't want an enemy

I just want back my friend

Oh, I'm ashamed of me (Shame on me)

I wish I never done you wrong (Shame on me)

Every night of us I dream

That I wake up in your arms

Wish I could say sorry

Oh will you come back home

Hey, baby, yeah

I wish diamonds can do it

So I wouldn't have to be alone

Yeah, hey

If I knew then what I know now

Everything would be

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm so ashamed, ashamed of me (Shame on me)

Said I wish I never done you wrong (Shame on me)

Every night of us I dream

That I wake up in your arms

(I'm ashamed of me)

I'm ashamed of me, yeah (Shame)

Baby, I'm ashamed

I'm so sorry, babe

I'm so sorry

Happy Birthday!

*im posting this early incase I fall asleep and don't hear my alarm at midnight.*

5 years ago I knew you were the one. Today I'm willing to bet my life on it. We've seen the best of each other and the worst of each other. And I wouldn't trade anything for it. I love you and though I can't be with you for your special day just know you'll constantly be on my mind. I hope you have an amazing birthday! I love you.

The Old Us

I feel us becoming the old us again. The times when you were like my best friend. We talked about everything and anything. I love that. It really makes me happy that we are getting back to our friendship because it's an essential part of life to me to have you there to hear about your day and tell you bout mine and you know what's going on it just feels good to know that your there for me to talk to. Lately we've been distant or actually I've been distant and I want to apologize. I should've at least did better of communicating that i was busy or that I had dead lines to meet. I never want you to feel that I'm not here for you. Lately you haven't been as happy as I've liked you to be in your life and I just want you to know I will help you accomplish that in any way I can. I love you.

Happy Anniversary

I didn't know how to start this at first. I tried to think of all the things I'd want to say to you if I could. I thought of telling you all the dreams I have of a future together. I thought of describing in detail what our kids look like. But then I thought why not tell you the things that make me love you. I love the way you pout when you don't get your way. I love the innocence I see behind your eyes. The soul inside of you is so pure and so caring. I love you because you are perfect even with your flaws. I wish I could form sentences in which I explain what feelings are in my heart. I can only relive memories of the amazing times we hung out and had fun together. Lol I'm rambling on because I've never been able to fully explain how much you mean to me. I just want to say even though it's no longer our anniversary, happy anniversary. I love you.

January 3rd

1/3/16 is gonna suck.