The Pain

This is totally out of order because I was supposed to be talking to you about our past and being all romantic and stuff..but we just got off the phone and the whole time we were on the phone a million things ran through my head. It hurts so bad knowing you'll never be mine again. And I know people say you can't predict the future but it's a feeling I have. And it's crazy because a part of me wants to be the supportive friend that stands by your side through anything (the exact thing I should've done as your boyfriend) and a part of me dies every day knowing your with someone else. I try and cope with it. I try and tell myself to move on and forget about us as a couple and work on a friendship. But I can't. I can't bring myself to believe it. Every atom in my body screams for you. Every fiber of my being wishes things could be different. But they aren't. They can't be. Because my happiness would compromise others. So I live with the burden of never being truly happy. Never knowing fully what it's like to be normal and have a normal relationship. I only have myself to blame. And despite you being with someone else I love u no difference. I love you more then life itself. If only you were by my side right now. These are the things I go through hearing your voice seeing your face reading your text. I die. But if it means I'll get another moment to see you hear you or talk to you, the pain seems bearable.