The Worst Part Of Hope

The worst part about hoping for a future for us, is dealing with the times it doesn't seem like it'll come true. The part where I tell myself that things will work out in our favor and then facing the realization that, that might not be true. Yesterday you called and told me about the fight you and Sean had and a small part of me was happy. Which is horrible because your unhappiness should never make me happy. I hoped that next time I talked to you you'd say you realized that with me is where you truly want to be. That wasn't the case. And so I get angry at myself for hoping, because I can't imagine a world where I don't hope. Where I don't dream of waking up to you. Kissing you, holding you & having a family with you. So I deal with the pain. It's an internal struggle. And it really is the worst part of hope.